Once upon a time not to long ago I asked myself a question. Where am I in my transition? I came to the conclusion that I am not transitioning anymore, I have transitioned. A conclusion supported by something a well meaning co worker told me recently. He told me “you are not transgender anymore” meaning that he relates to me as female and as someone that was never the same gender as him. One persons opinion does not make a transition complete, how we interact within society does. To cofirm this conclusion I asked myself two questions, how do women relate to me? They relate to me as the same gender as them. How do men relate to me? As someone that is a different gender than they are. Are we as a group seeking congruency? Yes we are. Assimilation is the key to our mere existence, if we do not assimilate into a binary world as the gender that chose us, how can we exist in a world that wants to legislate us off a cliff?
Descriptions of my assimilation, I work in a male dominated world, there are 200 hundred mechanics here in PHX. Six of us are female, it is a rough and tumble world that we live in. As females we all live in a male dominated world, a world that is riddled with sexism and mysogyny. How do Transegender Women fit into that world? We have an odd perspective that our female friends truly are curious about. We once had a boy’s club card. As Transgender Women that card has been ripped from us. That card has been replaced by the Living Our Authentic Lives Card.
How does one assimilate into a gender binary that is not only on the other side of the street, but on the other side of the planet? When you notice that you are losing male privilige it has already been revoked and you are the last to know. Do you have to struggle to have your opinion heard? If it is heard is it even considered? Losing your man card means that you have to be more ascertive just to be considered somewhat equal amongst your male peers. Being taken seriously before was something that was taken for granted. That is just one example of daily life as female. When that happened to me I had to learn what female privilige is to complete this transition.
When did this authentic life begin? I place the date at 3 years ago in my mind. When did society start to relate to me as female? sometime in the last two years I think. My friends could answer that question better than I. Most definately Government recognized me as female over a year ago. Assimilation did come naturally, but small things seemed to trip me up at first. Subtle things that I did not notice before transition. I use the term “female Privilige” to describe how this big scary world relates to me. The first time I noticed one of those subtle things was back in Dallas. I was on my way to work, and since I work as an aircraft mechanic I wasn’t dressed very girly although I can girl the uniform up with the best of them. I stopped at a convienence store to grab a couple items on my way to work. Like most stores it had double doors, there was a man standing on the inside holding the door open. Not your stereotypical chivalrous action since most often the person is on the outside holding the door open. I did not realize that this man was holding the door for me, like I said it was kind of an odd door encounter and I opened the other door and walked through. I caught myself and stopped and thanked the gentleman and told him I did not realize that he was waiting for me. That was a coming out epiphany for me. There are many more instances this was just me tipping my toe into a very complicated issue and a difficult one to write about coherently.
“Writing is 1 percent inspiration, and 99 percent elimination.”
― Louise Brooks